X-RATED

That got your attention, didn't it? In this my last installment (just because I have other pressing things to talk about) from the Dr. Al Sears Confidential Cures Summit in Florida last weekend, I'll report on the hilarious but profound speech given by Dr. John Gray: "Humor and Hormones Between the Sexes." Most of us know him from his blockbuster book Women Are From Venus; Men Are From Mars.

He started his presentation by handing each woman on the front row a red rose. How do you increase testosterone in men? You give your lady a flower. Making money doesn't do it. "You must generate her estrogen first," he said.

Any man who has a heart attack has low testosterone. It doesn't just get made in the body; you have to manufacture it. After the age of 50, most men have more estrogen than their wives. In order for a woman to enjoy sex, she needs 20 times more estrogen than men. He said junk food lowers testosterone.

Now here's where it gets interesting. Independence and freedom build testosterone; dependence builds estrogen. Read that carefully. It's a social bombshell. In other words, when women are independent and have no reliance on a man, their estrogen plummets.

People aren't getting married because they can't maintain attraction long enough. Factory meat and chemical-laden food increase estrogen, which depresses testosterone for men and artificially makes a woman feel fulfilled without a man. "When you're in a relationship where you're dependent on someone to do something for you, estrogen goes up," he said.

Challenge and stress make testosterone increase--men are warriors. Decision making and wrestling with complex problems drive up testosterone. But issues that have no solution suppress testosterone and fills the brain with fight or flight, converting to estrogen. Estrogen is promoted through pair bonding relationships: husband, God, doctor, trainer, massage therapist. "All family abuse happens when men are emotional," he said.

"When you HAVE to do something, testosterone rises; if you just WANT to do something, testosterone falls. Hormones control everything," he said.

When women talk when they're upset, it builds estrogen. For women, talking helps. Men get rid of stress by NOT talking. "Tell me more and help me do better" is the man's ticket to getting the woman to produce estrogen. "You took off her stress bysimply not arguing with her." He said every day women come into his office and complain for 50 minutes without any response from him, but leave happy.

The hippocampus is the memory part of the brain: it's twice the size in women as in men. Men increase testosterone by forgetting; women remember everything. If a woman is in danger but can depend on her man, her estrogen goes up. "Does she feel safe with you?" he asked the men, pointing out that she needs to know that she can be irrational and crazy and he still loves her--that's security and it makes estrogen go up.

Men can't teach women anything; women teach men everything. Gray reminded everyone about the point of Greek mythology's Medusa--the woman with all the snakes on her head who nobody could kill by looking at her. She was finally killed by looking at her in a mirror. The whole point is that we can't have meaningful man-woman conversations until the man listens to her and puts himself in a place to see things from her point of view.

He said America has a "Boy Crisis." Men are only motivated when they have a job and get paid, when they make sacrifices. Ease decreases testosterone and makes men lazy and unneeded. Women are naturally motivated--after all, they have the babies; that takes a lot of motivation. Right now the reason life expectancy is dropping for the first time in our nation's history is because of the escalating suicide rate among white males 25-45 years old. Wonder Woman makes men obsolete and it's having major cultural ramifications. Romance is out; women warriors are in. Men are unnecessary.

And finally, a word about hugs. Hugs stimulate oxytocin and reduce stress in women while increasing stress in men. Every woman should get four hugs per day to be happy and make estrogen. Women need NONSEXUAL affection to build up enough estrogen to want sex. He said more often than not, when a woman returns to her home, her stress increases; that has to stop. She will enjoy her husband in bed only if she feels safe, secure, respected, and affirmed in her home environment.

Sorry for the length on this, but it's really great stuff, both personally and culturally. Lots to think about here, and perhaps to rethink some assumptions in our culture right now.

Does this information change any thoughts you have about policy initiatives? Or about the way you're interacting with the opposite sex? Be honest now.